Cinderella at the wrong party

All the time as he talked to me,

I regretted having gone for this date,

He was a gentleman, so kind and more beautiful,

His whole face showed me the kind of peace I never had,

He’s probably the type who calls his mama every night to say good night

I was the complete opposite sad troubled and no family ties

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So many times I stopped to take deep breaths

To convince myself that I was worthy of him

I was Cinderella at the wrong party

And I wasn’t going to leave one shoe behind

He was my prince and this night would be his

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I fell so hard for him

I see his face in my dreams

Every heartbeat reminds me of his chest on top of mine

I have this awkward conversation when I think of him

I have turned out completely poetic

He lives inside of me

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instagram.com/akiiwrites

instagram.com/_akiiphillis

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. . #poetrytrials #poetryworld #poetrycommunity #love #fallinginlove #wordpress #Cinderella #follow

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Tonight I will take care of myself

I walk slowly counting my steps,

I have no plan I am just walking,

So carefully to not stumble

Yet every time I fall, it hurts than the last time,

I will make plans this time round,

I will stomp on the ground like the elephants

My plan is if I fall I will dust off and walk like it never happened

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This time I will let the tears flow

I will bathe and cleanse in my tears

I will let the pain out

I will talk loudly even when no one is listening

I will comfort myself & smile about it

I will roam the world in all of my wildness

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Late night I will sit on the bonfire

I will lay down and look at the stars

I will relax in the calm of the dark

I will mesmerize to the sounds of the crickets

I will let the fire burn my leg hairs

Late night I will retire to bed with a smile on my face

Tonight I am taking care of myself

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#takecareofmyself #healing #mentalhealth #wordpress #reader #poetry #poetrycommunity

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Akiiwrites

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journey of unknown miles

I see trees, they are just trees

I see Colours, they are just Colours

I see clouds, the are just clouds

I see people, they are just people

I breath, I hardly even notice

I hear of magic, it’s just fantasy

When did it all become so normal?

And then I wonder, how long did the magic last,

Before my eyes and senses

Shut down that I became

This girl who doesn’t dance in the rhythm.

Where am I rushing to that I forgot that it happens now?

How easy was it to just let go of myself

Now I pack my bags,

To travel to the magic of life,

I start the journey of unknown miles,

To meet me

Just to say, ‘hello, I am back home’

For I know there is a home

Waiting to hug me

After an emotional journey

Of unknown miles.

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#wordpress #reader #writer #writing #nolstagia #feelinglost #poetry #findingmeaning #findingme #mentalhealth #MentalHealthAwareness

Social Media perception

Hello far relatives

Can we just stop and first think about a kawaida (regular/normal/basic) or just plainly a human being. As humans we experience a lot (sorrow/grief/happiness/joy/success/failures/suffering/sadness etc), we socialize with so many people (customers/shopkeepers/teachers/friends/relatives/seniors/juniors/colleagues and so forth), we visit so many places (church, mosques, restaurants, bars, beach, farms, school, hospital, our houses and the like) and then we have that element of being who we are, when we are alone or maybe with that one ride or die. We have thoughts and the idea of what we want to be, how we want to be seen as and a very small percentage of us actually know who they are or are trying to really make sense of what we actually are on an individual level. Well for me that’s a kawaida human.

However today it’s about us socializing with people we don’t know, people we are likely to never meet in this lifetime and us feeding them with a glimpse idea of what we are, how we perceive ourselves or how we want them to think of us. I am talking about us and the social media

Social media has become one of the most fascinating human technology advancement and billions of people are using this technology to socialize,communicate, influence, learn and for other pleasures. Before we go deep, let us be frank here(that’s why I started with the introduction about a normal human) we have different personalities shaped by the levels of interaction between us and other humans based on how casual/official, their ranking in the society and also on our perception of us and them.

Based on my observation, on social media everyone creates the personality they want just anybody to see. The personality they are most comfortable with. The personality that is not insecure. The I don’t give a fuck personality. Or just a created personality of well, “this is me here”. There’s absolutely no one out their who is all doors open, welcoming everyone in to their lives.

On social media we are this huge photo album of “hey this is my perfect life”. “this is my favorite photo”. “this is my gorgeous outfit”. “hey I am always happy.” “I have it all figured out”. “hey I’m actually successful.” “hey I have been through shit but, I am okay now“. Most people without first considering, their true lifestyles or their true selves feel like failures/losers/poor and inadequate while peroozing through various accounts of created or the open personalities from others.

On social media it is visual, not real experience, it’s photographic and it is art. Basically it is how you want to judge, see or perceive. So you look at a photo of a 30 year old which took a few seconds to snap and maybe an extra minute to edit and caption and think you know all their 30years!!! And that’s how dumb we’ve reduced ourselves. You meet a ‘successful’ person who took years to reach where they are, and you want to be successful in a day. Damn, what a life!

As humans we face criticism. We are told we are not good enough, we are slow, we can’t make it, we can’t be better than the known legends, we are fat, we are too skinny and so forth. The mind never forgets. It is what you choose to believe that you become. And there my friends, even on your created or you open personality you will be criticised. That one most secure personality will still not be good enough for everyone. Or may be too good for someone, and they will not be comfortable with it. And on the mind of the spectator who can’t match up with the idea of how you can stand so tall or just be, they will be triggered to bullshit you. Their insecurities so well hidden, will just come out like vomit or diarrhea, without a speed governor. And my relatives, that is the real person, that is who they are, that is how they see life and it is not your problem at all.

It’s shocking that even in these perfect personalities, no matter how good you want to appear, how much idgf attitude you show, there is a bullying society. A society that won’t rest until they reduce you to their level of thinking, understanding, reasoning and perception. Until they drag you to join in their misery. Until they are certain you also can feel so damn insecure and inadequate like they are. Until you can’t be peaceful. You don’t have to join the misery club. Under no circumstances should you let the words of an insecure person, a person who only sees the negative/the bad reduce you to that level. For we all have felt hurt, destroyed, insecure and all that which steals our so much sought joy and it never felt good. By remembering that, smile over the bullshit, laugh at how ignorance really hurts and be the happy soul you have always wanted to be.

Summing up, I want you to always remember that social media is as vague as it is. Nobody has their whole book open. Everyone is showing the chapter they think they are writing good. The chapter they want you to know. The chapter they actually don’t care about much. If it is interesting or so boring it doesn’t really count on anything, they chose that for you. Real life is happening behind closed doors. Real life is happening so fast you cannot actually capture on the lens.

And as you might have noticed, based on my past posts, I don’t like taking sides, so to the suffering person, who for their own reasons,might knowingly or uknowingly inflict the venom to others, understand that when feelings of pain/jealousy/sadness/hate/insecurities/ are either expressed towards oneself or others, usually that never solves the underlying problem. You too can lbe happy. Those feelings can go. But you have to acknowledge they are there, take a stand to change one vice after the other and you will be liberated. You deserve a clear mind. You deserve happiness as well. And you can put that energy to bettering yourself. It does feel happy or something close to happiness when you mind your business.

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#wordpress #reader #writer #blogger #negativity #perception #socialmedia #positivevibes #happiness #healing #mentalhealth

Worried of the unknown

We have been walking,
Talking but not there,
We are worried of the unknown,
I can’t confide in her,
I cannot lose myself to him,
Nobody is to be trusted
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Smiling,
All my teeth perfect,
I’m living my best life,
My photos can tell you,
But there’s a shadow I am aware of,
You all cannot see
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Time of our lives,
All I know could be a lie,
I’m out here learning new,
Scared it will scare me,
But it is impossible
To live with myself
If I can’t know

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#wordpress #reader #writer #writing #poetrytribe #mindfulness #fear #unlearntolearn #poems

Should you quit school?

The education system is ovverated. It’s true. It is also not true. Over and over again we have been told that education is the key to success,that we should go to school, study, go to college and get a job, get a masters, get paid more and yaaaay, you make it in life. What an uneducated way of thinking. Truly speaking, who can we blame? Our teachers, who were taught just like us or our parents who never went to school or who were taught by teachers with the same mentality, or ourselves for not thinking more openly about it? Well, nobody is to blame.

In a world where communication is important and people use so many languages, we had to study them to know how to interact with them,and thus the need for education. In a mysterious earth/universe where so little is known to us, we had to study other species to know how to interact and use them for our own benefit and know how to conserve them.

Theoretically speaking, the study of what there’s here on earth, probably gave rise to jobs. We needed a teacher to pass the knowledge. The doctors came as a result of medicine revolution. The engineers as a result of transport and communication discoveries and revolution. The architects as a result of our desire for designs and so forth. It’s obvious these professionals, who spent so much time in developing their skills, had to charge for them to earn a living and probably became successful. So, as a result of all that glory, everyone saw the need to be educated, learn a skill and prosper. We however took it so seriously , probably because of the money attached value.

In the modern world,where most are educated, people are starting to question if they really need school to be successful. So many unemployed people, yet so much education in them gets us to wonder, was it worthy it? And with entrepreneurship, where you just need to trade what you can buy in bulk and sell in small units to a wide coverage, and earn a little more cash. Also people are getting paid for their talents (sports, arts, content creation e.t.c) and most are making a decent living. So why go to school?

Well, I think it is the system and not the education that is the problem. A system that makes people feel like all there’s is a job at the end of the tunnel. A system that glorifies employment as success. If people can get a different education system where kids are allowed to learn more from their surroundings until they can decide for themselves, what they want to study, that would be great. Also, there should be a subject that could deal with real life situations and happenings from a young age all the way to higher education because life keeps happening. Children also should not be forced into the religion of their parents, it’s something they should decide for themselves.

And let us be honest, life is so much more than having money. Continuously educating people,that money is the end result, is very vague. We humans, should not be slaves to material possessions. There’s so much to life than what we can buy. So what if one person gets so much money to buy everything there is, what does he do then?

Money at the end of the tunnel is not a measure of success. Raising decent human beings who can relate with each other as human beings is success. Being able to accommodate yourself in your own mind is success. Money and man’s technology should enable us to make what was supposed to be hard work easier, for us to commit to ourselves, our human capabilities and discover more about our planet, what there is and how we can make use of it, not to get stuck on the idea of quantity ownership.

It’s quite a sad way for humans to die chasing these material measures of success,without having lived to enjoy life (not just leisurely) and its maze.

That said, drop your college if what you are studying doesn’t resonate with your well being. Don’t force yourself to do what you think others will find cool. You aren’t here on earth to bring your own misery. Also, study for as long as you want(no matter how old you are) and learn all the fascinating things you would like to know. Life is a continuous process, do not stop growing.

Well, a wise man said “if the world is not happening your way, you should happen your way.”

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#wordpress #wellness #mindfulness #education #collegedegree

Life is a magical mysterious existence

In this mini bus we are like ten people. Some are busy on their phones, others looking out through the window, others lost on their thoughts and the bus conductor is occasionally opening the main door to call people in.We are all quiet except for two colleagues/friends behind me who have been having an unending conversation on the low.

Outside, from the glass windows there’s a whole other world. Pedestrians in all walking styles walking their way home. There are more minibusses (matatus) and other motor vehicles too but my head is drawn to the pedestrians and the people in my minibus.

I am looking at their heads, I am amazed by their body shapes, my eyes are darting here and there to the beauty and magic of their clothes and I am wondering what is in all their minds at the moment. Could they be just walking? enjoying the bridge scenery? are they worried? are they happy? are they frustrated? are they rushing somewhere? Do they even realize being human is quiet a mysterious life or are they just existing with no clue?

I know I am just overthinking, I would be lying to myself if I’d just pretend I wasn’t curious. I would like to sit a thousand people together and maybe listen to their thoughts. Of late, I have learnt that our own thoughts are very powerful, they can be a disaster if we do not learn how to be in control of them. That’s why at this moment I’m lost in the beauty of this crowd. I can’t help but acknowledge that most of this people are dealing with a lot in their heads, and almost everything they are so much worried about, happened, will never happen and is not even important.

And all of a sudden, I am drawn to the fact that this crowd of bodies, is housing so many souls. In my eyes, their real selves are definitely the most magical existence. I’m wondering how many of these souls have partially died as a result of the day to day burdens of our modern life! How many people are operating every day with an autopilot!How many people in here, cannot remember when they sat down and had a ‘me time’ to just be alone and just be.

It’s okay, people are chasing dreams, people have other people they’re looking after, people have responsibilities and jobs but are people being people in this present existence? Do people think of the idea of just being a human being. A free living organism sorrounded by a mysterious magical life. Do people just wonder about their own existence?

I look at this man made bridge, where millions of people have passed by. A bridge probably made by a man who just knows about engineering in this world, a man who knows nothing much about life. When I say life, I am not talking about the technical word life. I am talking about you and me, plants and animals,rocks and soil, planets and universes, the air, waters and fire and all of the existence in its whole . Every day people pass by this bridge, they don’t realize that this could maybe collapse in a minute. And it’s therefore very ignorant to not be thankful every day.

I am not saying we should live by fear. I am saying we have accomplished so much as human beings, we should maybe stop and think of ourselves. We have decorated our planet with all the roads and buildings, created our medicines, transformed ourselves with the clothes we wear, we have technology and all the education there’s but not even one man in this world can explain our existence.

There are stories of heaven, earth and hell, all written and explained by man who knows nothing of what he explains as such. So where is the knowledge if we cannot really tell a thing about this life? Well I know, we stopped paying attention to what is real and now we exist in our thoughts. What we want to become, what others expect of us and how we want to be seen. We constructed a whole outside and physical life that we stopped living in the real life.

As I write this, I am amazed by how clueless I have been for 23years!! Haha! Well what is twenty three in a universe whose many years of existence is not known!

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Ps, all the photos attached are for esthetic beauty, I am as clueless

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#life #humanity #humanexistence #wordpress #Spirituality #reality #follow #writing #observing